I haven't figured out fully how this all is going to go down yet. For the moment I guess every day will be a posting and re-editing process. At least that seems like the more efficient way to do things.
11:00 am
So far so good. There hasn't been any burning desire to get back to my life on facebook. I mean sure, who wouldn't miss the extremely easy access to everyone you've ever known's lives? Or the games that can so easily become addictive? I'm seriously starting to realize that the cyber world took way too much of my time. I might even go as far as saying it had become an idol. Shame on me, I know. And yes, I realize I had a problem. But the point is I'm admitting to and fixing it...go me.
1:30 pm
Christmas tree down? Check.
Homework done? Check.
House clean? Check.
Cat stuff done? Check.
...whoaaaa, productivity?!
11:00 pm
It really has not been that hard to stay off of facebook AND twitter. Okay, maybe it's been a little hard. I'm doing this though.
So as a part of all of this, I'm going to include a Bible verse every day as my last update :D
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
Day 2
12:30 am
I do most of my thinking before bed. Sometimes this proves to be a not so fun experience, as normally you dream about what you last think of.
What am I thinking about?
How on Monday, Kelsi and I are deleting pictures from my computer because I can't do it alone. The last memories I have that keep me holding on to nothing will be gone. I'm not so sure as if I'm excited to do this yet. I know I need to, but do I really want to forget?
Unfortunetly, there won't be any serious forgetting. I'll have to hold on to the memories forever. But the bright colors and the smiling faces won't be as vivid. After all- we're the smiling faces real? Or were they just a part of the grand life I imagined? Were we really that happy? Or was it all in my head? Who knows. I sure don't anymore.
2:00 pm
Today's been good. It's not freezing cold out and I got a hair cut. Of course the first thing I wanted to do is post pictures on facebook, only to realize I couldn't. It's really short. And I have bangs again. So, pretty different.
Shout out to Amara- That's awesome. I wish I had of thought of something that creative. Pretty epic (:
10:30 pm
Day two has turned out to be a success.
Now I'm watching beyond scared straight and crying my eyes out.
Verse for the day!
But ask with faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave driven and tossed on the sea by the wind. James1:6
Day 3
1:00 pm
Nothing has happened yet today that has been seriously thought provoking.
I woke up late and missed first period (thank you, Friday the 13th).
Now I'm about to go to work.
Later...I have a skype date with one Mr. Josh Puccio, who decided to be smart and leave Britney and myself for DC.
Yepp...pretty boring day so far. Hopefully it gets slightly better.
7:00 pm
I heard a song tonight at work that I really liked.
"let's flash forward to a few years later. and no one knows except the both of us.
i've more than honored your request for silence. and you've washed your hands
clean of this."
-alanis morissette
9:00 pm
I hate when I randomly think about him. Absolutely hate it.
He's getting ordained on Sunday. It really irritates me even thinking about it.
Who was there to help him go over his sermons for the past year? Me. Who listened to him go over his sermons multiple times until 2 am? Me. Who proof-read them, and proof read all of his school essays? Me.
Who supported him when none of his friends were there, and his family was hours away? You guessed it- Me.
Even though we're broken up, and I didn't seriously expect to get invited, it still pisses me off that when I asked him about it a few weeks ago his response was, "Why would I invite you? You're my past. This is my future and you aren't going to be a part of it". It's kind of pathetic I remember those exact words. I guess it's also a good thing that I'm somewhat hanging on to the mean things and trying to let go of the good things. It might be wrong to do that, but it's about the only way I'm going to get over everything.
Anyway- that's been my rant for the night. It's time for Grimm!
I hate when I randomly think about him. Absolutely hate it.
He's getting ordained on Sunday. It really irritates me even thinking about it.
Who was there to help him go over his sermons for the past year? Me. Who listened to him go over his sermons multiple times until 2 am? Me. Who proof-read them, and proof read all of his school essays? Me.
Who supported him when none of his friends were there, and his family was hours away? You guessed it- Me.
Even though we're broken up, and I didn't seriously expect to get invited, it still pisses me off that when I asked him about it a few weeks ago his response was, "Why would I invite you? You're my past. This is my future and you aren't going to be a part of it". It's kind of pathetic I remember those exact words. I guess it's also a good thing that I'm somewhat hanging on to the mean things and trying to let go of the good things. It might be wrong to do that, but it's about the only way I'm going to get over everything.
Anyway- that's been my rant for the night. It's time for Grimm!
10:30 pm
Brit just texted me and asked if we could pray together over some of the issues that we've been having. I just want to take a second to thank God for putting such an amazing person in my life. I still haven't figured out if moving here was what He had planned for me or not- but I do know that He put Brit in my life to help me pick up the pieces. It's so encouraging to have someone to share all of this with.
Psalm 55:16-18
As for me, I shall call upon God, and the LORD will save me. Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me, for they are many who strive with me.
12:30 am
Skyping with Josh! Ahhhh!
This is exciting seeing as how he abandoned us two weeks ago.
Yay technology!
1:00 am
(:
6:00 pm
So, I'm currently watching "The Other Guys" and trying to get Charlie (my roomie's lab) to get away from my chili...easier said than done.
Breanna is coming over! We're going to have a lovely little girl's night.
9:00 pm
Kody's ordination is tomorrow. I've decided no more bitterness. I'm going to spend a good portion of tomorrow praying that God leads him in these next steps. And if his new girlfriend is who he needs right now, I pray that she helps him in his walk.
Day 6
1:00 am
Brit just texted me and asked if we could pray together over some of the issues that we've been having. I just want to take a second to thank God for putting such an amazing person in my life. I still haven't figured out if moving here was what He had planned for me or not- but I do know that He put Brit in my life to help me pick up the pieces. It's so encouraging to have someone to share all of this with.
Psalm 55:16-18
As for me, I shall call upon God, and the LORD will save me. Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me, for they are many who strive with me.
Day 4
Skyping with Josh! Ahhhh!
This is exciting seeing as how he abandoned us two weeks ago.
Yay technology!
1:00 am
(:
6:00 pm
So, I'm currently watching "The Other Guys" and trying to get Charlie (my roomie's lab) to get away from my chili...easier said than done.
Breanna is coming over! We're going to have a lovely little girl's night.
9:00 pm
Kody's ordination is tomorrow. I've decided no more bitterness. I'm going to spend a good portion of tomorrow praying that God leads him in these next steps. And if his new girlfriend is who he needs right now, I pray that she helps him in his walk.
Day 6
1:00 am
Day five didn't get a blog. I was being entertained by my awesome parents and working with my awesome coworkers, only after hearing an awesome sermon. It's safe to say today was pretty great.
Until I got home and started thinking. That's of course when things always go downhill.
Until I got home and started thinking. That's of course when things always go downhill.
I don't even want to watch Grey's Anatomy. All I can think about is Kody and his nurse girlfriend. I think it's funny how I'm the one that got him hooked on the show. (side note: just because you watch grey's doesn't mean the drama applies to your life. just saying).
There goes my random rant for the day. Hopefully MLK Jr. day will be productive and get my mind off things.
There goes my random rant for the day. Hopefully MLK Jr. day will be productive and get my mind off things.
They were real. Don't ever doubt that. He fully believes in the lies he tells girls, until something changes. I dont know what it is that trips his trigger, but things change. I full believe those happy times are real. I still have a box of things from him. I printed out all the happy pictures and put them in that box, then deleted them. It helped me immensely. Some things I did destroy, like the bear he got both of us, my best friend tore up the uniform and i took out the heart in the bear and cut it. (there are pictures...haha) but I still kept the bear. Idk you need to do what you feel is best to get over him and move on with your life. But I truly don't believe you should try to forget, when you truly love someone you never do.
ReplyDeleteGoogle+ included personal results in my search feed. Apparently your blog is part of my social network. So I saw this blog. And I wanted to tell you two things.
ReplyDelete1) When i saw you talking to him on the phone partway through the summer, I was like "Ya know what, that's not right." The way he was talking to you and the way you looked when he was on the phone i was like "He's not treating her right." But I didn't say anything because honestly people in love resent people who predict love's downfall. Especially when they're right. I know that from personal experience. But now that it's over... Yeah.
2) You need to write down the hurtful things he said and burn them. I still remember some last words. They took a lot of healing. Now, though, when I'm with Kristen.. I don't even remember them. So there's hope. Hang in there, kid.
Thanks Dave Schell. Several people have told me that (about over the summer). Looking back, there was definetly a lot more issues than I had let on. He was a good guy in the beginning though- something just changed.
DeleteAnyway- things are getting better(: