prayer and petition.

In the time I'm supposed to be doing homework, of course I'm thinking- thinking about how much my life has changed in the past year..

Things I've done.
Places I've been.
People I've met.

I have been no where near a perfect person. Even though I had no idea what was going on in the beginning of my last relationship- the fact that he had JUST gotten out of a relationship - I still feel so guilty about even dating him. To know that I helped him make someone else feel like I've been feeling just makes me so angry. To realize that a lot of what he said about her wasn't true makes me wonder how I'll be portrayed to his next girlfriend. It doesn't really matter though I suppose...I know I gave that relationship all I had. I was supportive and loving. I fought for it. When he realizes that he lost two awesome girls we'll both be gone. 

I traveled a good deal and moved. Maybe not for the entirely right reasons, but I gained a lot of experience. Now I'm being faced with another decision of going back home or picking up and moving my life to some unknown place yet again.

I met some amazing people through all of this nonsense. And if nothing else, I can be grateful for that. My room mates, my Pennsylvania friends, Amara- all people that I would have never met had it not been for that relationship. 

With all that being said-

I can't help but be grateful for the heartache. Without it, I wouldn't have gotten closer to God and I certainly wouldn't have been as close to the people I love so dearly now. Things still haven't fallen perfectly into place, and I don't imagine they magically will any time soon. But I can say (at least for that relationship) the worst is over. I'm in the healing process and I thank God that has finally happened.

The point of giving up my facebook is this- I am tired of the heartache. And for the next month I'm praying and begging God to get my heart where it needs to be for my next relationship,and to take the desire to date anyone other than my future husband away from me. I'm sure that sounds insane, and maybe to some extent it is. But, I believe God listens to those who come to Him.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phillipians 4:6