sticks and stones.

So. Tonight I've seen a lot of girls talking about each other on my Facebook updates- more so than usual. Even though I was that girl at one point, I just want to point some things out and write a little about my experiences and how words have impacted me in the past few years. 

In every relationship throughout my entire life I've always been told I wasn't good enough in one way or another. So- you guessed it. I'm going to write the things I can remember here. Because I can.

First serious relationship- I was told numerous times I was a "b". I was told I was fat. And thank goodness I don't remember everything since it's been a few years ago. It ended though because he found someone else and said he never loved me.

Second serious relationship- Oh where to begin? 

I was too young. I wasn't making enough money. I hadn't lived on my own before. I couldn't cook well. I didn't clean to his satisfaction. I didn't work out enough. I was too close to my friends. We met on a dating site. I didn't dress right. My hair was the wrong color. My family was wrong about everything. 

This also ended with an "I never loved you".

The list could go on for days.

That's about 2 years of my life I was lied to(:

People who I'm supposed to be close to- I've been told that guys with good educations aren't interested in girls who are at community college. I've been told I dress like a slut (which those of you who know me know I don't at all and I never have). My grades aren't/weren't good enough. I could have done better at school. I could have gotten a better job. I chose the wrong profession. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm immature.

Because of all of this I have enormous trust/confidence issues. 

What I want people to get out of this isn't "oh, Holly is feeling sorry for herself", but rather words hurt. And to those people who are in relationships or are having friend problems- watch what you say. I have absolutely no feelings for either of those two, and thank God on a daily basis for the wonderful person He currently has in my life because he makes me feel like the most special person in the world and isn't anything like them. But- the things that were said still hurt and still impact me sometimes. Things have gotten significantly better in the past months, and I'm extremely happy(: I just felt like for some reason I needed to put this out there. 

So yeah- watch your mouth. The whole sticks and stones quote isn't true in the least bit. Sticks and stones may break bones, but bones heal. Once you've hurt someone emotionally with your words there is no taking it back.